The funniest customer service jokes, ranked.
6 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1MH80
Mitch Hedberg Strategic Grill Locations, 1999 · on Customer service
A doughnut shop gave him a receipt he can't imagine ever needing.
“Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under 'D', for doughnut."”
Pursues a pointless receipt to its most absurd conclusion.
- 2
80Trevor Noah The Daily Show, 2020 · on Customer service
“It's that white people call the police like they're asking for the manager. It's like, "this is unacceptable, I demand to see someone who might shoot you".”
Grafts 'speak to the manager' entitlement onto something lethal.
- 3
78George Carlin What Am I Doing in New Jersey?, 1988 · on Customer service
“Next time you're at a wishing well ask to see the manager! Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. Either you gimme my money back—or I'm shittin' in the well!”
Applies customer complaint logic to a wishing well, with a crude ultimatum.
- 4MB76
Maria Bamford How to WIN!, 2006 · on Customer service
She wishes she'd get mad at a Target service desk about something that mattered: 'If you can't help me, I need to speak to someone who can...'
“because this is a three dollar pair of flip-flops made by a 5-year-old Guatemalan girl, and I'm not leaving until she gets benefits and an education under the NAFTA Fair Trade Agreement. You better go get a manager. This could take awhile.”
Righteous customer rage redirected at an actual injustice.
- 5
74Doug Stanhope Deadbeat Hero, 2004 · on Customer service
After 11am, the Subway clerk says the breakfast items have been 'put away.'
“This place is as big as a photo-mat, there is no "away" in the building, you don't own "away". There's no Brink's truck that pulls up at 11:02 and yanks out the eggs under armed guard.”
The armored egg truck is a great specific image of corporate excuses.
- 6
70Bill Bailey Part Troll, 2004 · on Customer service
“I was trying to rent a car, and the bloke said to me: "You’re not covered for acts of God." I said: "What do you mean by that?", he said: [waving arms] "Woooooh!"”
The clerk's spooky arm-wave is a good start to a longer theological argument at the counter.