The funniest retirement jokes, ranked.
5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1
80Jerry Seinfeld I'm Telling You for the Last Time, 1998 · on Retirement
Old people drive slow and sit low.
“The state flag of Florida should be just a steering wheel with a hat and two [sets of] knuckles on it. And then that left turn signal on from when they left the house that morning.”
A precise visual of retiree drivers; the all-day turn signal is the topper.
- 2SM80
Stuart Mitchell Edinburgh Fringe set, 2016 · on Retirement
“Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one …”
Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2016 – runner-up (No. 2)A double meaning on 'home' with a dark, unspoken finish.
The Guardian: Masai Graham's organ donor gag is Edinburgh fringe's funniest joke (2016, with top 15) ↗All Retirement jokes →
- 3DW74
Dennis Wolfberg as quoted in Humorous Quotes for All Occasions · on Retirement
“There's one advantage to being 102. There's no peer pressure.”
Short and dark: no peers left to pressure you.
Wikiquote: Old age (citing Humorous Quotes for All Occasions) ↗All Retirement jokes →
- 4
68George Carlin It's Bad for Ya, 2008 · on Retirement
“One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're tired.”
Practical and true; more a sly tip than a twist.
Wikiquote: Old age (citing It's Bad for Ya) ↗All Retirement jokes →
- 5
66Joan Rivers as quoted in The Quote Manual (2005) · on Retirement
“You know you are getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.”
Neat chiasmus, but you can see where it's going.