The funniest texting jokes, ranked.

4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   JL

   I Hate Myself, 2020 · on Texting

   78

   His wife texted, "How's things going with my sister?"

   “I wrote back, "Great, she's a lot of fun, "I wish you were her." […] That's a bad text. […] I meant to write, "I wish you were here," obviously.”

   One dropped letter detonates a marriage; tight and relatable.

   Scraps from the Loft: Joe List, I Hate Myself transcript ↗All Texting jokes →

2. 2

   

   Spicy Honey, 2017 · on Texting

   76

   “I called a woman out for texting. She says, "I'm not texting, I'm Googling you." […] Googling me? What are you trying to find out, if maybe I'm doing a show in town or something?”

   Deadpan logic exposes the absurdity of researching the act you're watching.

   Scraps from the Loft: Todd Barry, Spicy Honey transcript ↗All Texting jokes →

3. 3

   

   Live in Madison Square Garden, 2015 · on Texting

   72

   You send a confident first text after a great date; no reply comes.

   “Three hours later, "Fuck! I put too many exclamation points in my text! What was I thinking? I should have said 'Hey' with two 'Y's, not three 'Y's.' I'm so stupid!"”

   Nails the forensic over-analysis of an unanswered text.

   Scraps from the Loft: Aziz Ansari, Live in Madison Square Garden transcript ↗All Texting jokes →

4. 4

   

   What's Wrong with People?, 2012 · on Texting

   62

   “You give your number out now, five minutes later you get a text message, "What are you doing?" What do you mean what am I doing? I just met you. Back off!”

   Indignant persona sells a fairly familiar observation.

   Scraps from the Loft: Sebastian Maniscalco, What's Wrong with People? transcript ↗All Texting jokes →