The funniest bears jokes, ranked.
4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1JH84
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts · on Bears
Handey recalls that, as a kid, his favorite relative was Uncle Caveman.
“After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.”
Fond childhood memoir with a casual atrocity and a delayed, obvious-in-hindsight reveal.
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (archived text) ↗All Bears jokes →
- 2
80Lewis Black Rules of Enragement, 2003 · on Bears
“Halfway through the winter, I decided I didn't want to be a comic anymore. I wanted to be a bear. Because bears are more evolved. It gets cold, and what does the bear do? He goes, "Well, I'm going to bed! This blows!"”
Hibernation recast as the wisest life choice, voiced by an exasperated bear.
- 3MH79
Mitch Hedberg Strategic Grill Locations, 1999 · on Bears
“My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches.”
Pest-control language applied to the cuddliest possible invader.
- 4SC68
Stephen Colbert The Colbert Report, 2012 · on Bears
On a news clip of a grizzly stealing a camper's iPad.
“The only thing worse than being mauled by a grizz is being mauled by a grizz that gets distracted halfway through to play fruit ninja.”
Topical and silly; the mobile-game detail gives it a modern twist.
TheWrap: Colbert identifies grave threat: iPad-thievin' grizzlies ↗All Bears jokes →