The funniest horses jokes, ranked.

5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   TC

   Stage one-liner · on Horses

   83

   “I backed a horse today - 20 to 1. It came in at 20 past 4.”

   Betting odds misread as a clock time; a perfectly economical classic.

   Chortle: Tommy Cooper's best jokes and tricks ↗All Horses jokes →

2. 2

   JH

   Deep Thoughts · on Horses

   80

   “If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.”

   Inverts 'get back on the horse' by taking the horse's side.

   Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (archived text) ↗All Horses jokes →

3. 3

   MH

   Do You Believe in Gosh?, 2008 · on Horses

   78

   “If I was the headless horseman's horse, I would fuck with that dude. "Yeah, we're going that way. We're not headed towards the hay."”

   Gives the folklore horse a petty inner life.

   Wikiquote: Mitch Hedberg ↗All Horses jokes →

4. 4

   KD

   Stage one-liner · on Horses

   77

   “So it turns out that if you bang two halves of a horse together, it doesn't make the sound of a coconut.”

   Reverses the Monty Python coconut gag into a grisly experiment.

   BBC News: Ken Dodd, 17 of his funniest one-liners ↗All Horses jokes →

5. 5

   AK

   Edinburgh Fringe, 2024 · on Horses

   64

   “Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn't great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful.”

   Dave's Funniest Jokes of the Fringe 2024 shortlist (No. 3)Efficient homophone pun; you can see 'mane' coming.

   WhatsOnStage: Edinburgh Fringe top jokes (Dave) ↗All Horses jokes →