The funniest birds jokes, ranked.
4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1MH86
Mitch Hedberg Just for Laughs: On the Edge, 2002 · on Birds
“I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread. Ducks love bread, but they can't buy any. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever.”
Imagining ducks as broke consumers is a classic Hedberg left turn.
- 2MJ83
Milton Jones Time Out London joke vault, 2013 · on Birds
“We live in an uncaring society. I was in the park the other day watching an old man feed the birds, and after a while I thought to myself: I wonder how long he's been dead?”
A gentle park scene curdles into a morbid realisation that indicts the narrator too.
Time Out London: Milton Jones's joke vault ↗All Birds jokes →
- 3
72Bill Bailey Part Troll, 2004 · on Birds
“I'm a vegetarian. I'm not strict; I eat fish, and duck. Well, they're nearly fish, aren't they? They're semi-submerged a lot of the time, they spend a lot of time in the water, they're virtually fish, really.”
The escalating fake taxonomy is funny, though it takes its time.
- 4
60Jerry Seinfeld 92nd Street Y conversation, 2020 · on Birds
“I think the duck really is the perfect model of how to live: paddle as hard as you can beneath the surface, let everything else roll off your back, and have a little sense of humor about your appearance.”
More wisdom than joke; the appearance tag is the only real laugh.