The funniest cats jokes, ranked.

4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   I Have a Pony, 1985 · on Cats

   85

   “Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”

   Treats a proverb as a literal homicide case, with Wright as the shady person of interest.

   Wikiquote: Steven Wright ↗All Cats jokes →

2. 2

   

   Unrepeatable, 1994 · on Cats

   80

   “Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they fuck off; that's the deal.”

   Reframes pet ownership as a con, and the con is spelled out in three blunt beats.

   Wikiquote: Eddie Izzard ↗All Cats jokes →

3. 3

   

   Brain Droppings (book), 1997 · on Cats

   70

   “Meow means "woof" in cat.”

   Six-word translation gag; clever more than explosive.

   Wikiquote: George Carlin ↗All Cats jokes →

4. 4

   

   Reddit "Ask Me Anything", 2014 · on Cats

   58

   “A cat is a small sneaky animal that manages to get by without any real relationships.”

   A wry definition rather than a punchline; pleasant, not surprising.

   Wikiquote: Jerry Seinfeld ↗All Cats jokes →