The funniest christmas jokes, ranked.
6 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1
82Conan O'Brien unknown (quoted by TODAY) · on Christmas
“I thought it would be funny to stuff my kids’ Christmas stockings with actual stockings. I’ve never heard crying like that.”
A dad-joke premise with a dark, perfectly timed aftermath.
- 2DM80
Demetri Martin stand-up · on Christmas
“I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.”
Logical thrift that accidentally becomes theologically correct.
- 3
76Jerry Seinfeld unknown (quoted by TODAY) · on Christmas
“That’s what I love about the holiday season. That’s the true spirit of Christmas — people being helped by people other than me.”
Holiday-card sentiment swerving into honest selfishness.
- 4IG74
Ivo Graham Edinburgh Fringe show, 2019 · on Christmas
“I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts”
Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2019, #10A clever double meaning on 'doors opened' that skewers privilege.
NME — The 10 funniest jokes of Edinburgh Fringe 2019 ↗All Christmas jokes →
- 5
70Joan Rivers unknown (quoted by TODAY) · on Christmas
“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”
Classic Rivers misdirect on 'stockings'.
- 6PD66
Phyllis Diller unknown (quoted by TODAY) · on Christmas
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
Efficient, implies the whole disastrous night.