The funniest thanksgiving jokes, ranked.

6 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   JS

   The Jon Stewart Show, 1994 · on Thanksgiving

   90

   “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”

   Plays the cozy-tradition setup straight until the last clause indicts the whole holiday.

   Barry Popik — “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way” ↗All Thanksgiving jokes →

2. 2

   SC

   unknown (quoted by AOL) · on Thanksgiving

   77

   “I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.”

   The list turns on a hyper-specific image everyone has seen: the aunt in the car.

   AOL — 55 funny Thanksgiving quotes ↗All Thanksgiving jokes →

3. 3

   

   unknown (quoted by Reader's Digest) · on Thanksgiving

   72

   “On Thanksgiving, you realize you’re living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.”

   Pleasingly absurd parallel, more wry than explosive.

   Reader's Digest — Funny Thanksgiving Quotes ↗All Thanksgiving jokes →

4. 4

   

   tweet · on Thanksgiving

   70

   “Spent most of my Thanksgiving repeatedly asking my cousin Harris if Home Alone was based on events from his life. He’s not amused.”

   Specific, real-family detail with a nice underplayed tag.

   Reader's Digest — Funny Thanksgiving Quotes ↗All Thanksgiving jokes →

5. 5

   KJ

   unknown (quoted by AOL) · on Thanksgiving

   63

   “Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.”

   Economical personification, but an obvious target.

   AOL — 55 funny Thanksgiving quotes ↗All Thanksgiving jokes →

6. 6

   

   The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 2004 · on Thanksgiving

   57

   “You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”

   Solid monologue construction with a mild payoff.

   Barry Popik — “You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving…” ↗All Thanksgiving jokes →