The funniest weddings jokes, ranked.

4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   The Comeback Kid, 2015 · on Weddings

   84

   “Being married by a friend is a beautiful ceremony that alienates both families’ religions, while confusing the elderly people at the wedding.”

   Elegant sentence where every clause is a new casualty.

   Scraps from the Loft — John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid (transcript) ↗All Weddings jokes →

2. 2

   

   I'm Telling You for the Last Time, 1998 · on Weddings

   82

   “I thought we had the groom and the ‘pretty good man’. That’s more than enough. If I am the best man, why is she marrying him?”

   Takes the title literally and finds the logical flaw.

   Scraps from the Loft — Jerry Seinfeld: I'm Telling You for the Last Time (transcript) ↗All Weddings jokes →

3. 3

   TA

   stand-up (quoted by NPR) · on Weddings

   77

   Alexandro on when they bring out the longest-married couple at a wedding.

   “They look like war veterans. They just come out with ... shock on their face. That's real love — that look. Like, real love is no eye contact,”

   Vivid image of longevity as trauma.

   NPR — For Three Comedians, Valentine's Day Makes For One Big Joke (2015) ↗All Weddings jokes →

4. 4

   

   What's Wrong with People?, 2012 · on Weddings

   72

   At Italian weddings guests bring cash in envelopes instead of registry gifts.

   “They go, “The chicken’s kinda dry. “Take a hundred outta the envelope.”

   Cultural specificity: the gift as a live performance review.

   Scraps from the Loft — Sebastian Maniscalco: What's Wrong with People? (transcript) ↗All Weddings jokes →