The funniest new year's eve jokes, ranked.

4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   BV

   "Senator Soaper Says" newspaper column, 1958 · on New Year's Eve

   80

   “Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.”

   Perfect two-line symmetry; one verb change carries a whole life.

   IBTimes — Funny New Year's Eve Quotes ↗All New Year's Eve jokes →

2. 2

   PJ

   unknown (quoted by IBTimes) · on New Year's Eve

   76

   “The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.”

   Builds like etiquette advice and lands on the marriage jab.

   IBTimes — Funny New Year's Eve Quotes ↗All New Year's Eve jokes →

3. 3

   

   unknown (quoted by Reader's Digest) · on New Year's Eve

   68

   “My New Year’s resolution was to stop saying, ‘You go, girl’ to myself.”

   Odd self-portrait in a single line.

   Reader's Digest — Funny New Year Quotes ↗All New Year's Eve jokes →

4. 4

   

   unknown (quoted by IBTimes) · on New Year's Eve

   60

   “New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.”

   Hijacks the song lyric for a cheap-but-effective STD turn.

   IBTimes — Funny New Year's Eve Quotes ↗All New Year's Eve jokes →