The funniest fourth of july jokes, ranked.

6 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   tweet, 2012 · on Fourth of July

   86

   “Happy white people’s Independence Day. The slaves weren’t free, but I’m sure they enjoyed fireworks.”

   Greeting-card cheer flipped into a history lesson with a brutally deadpan last clause.

   VICE — 10 Fourth of July Jokes From Some of Comedy's Biggest Names ↗All Fourth of July jokes →

2. 2

   

   tweet, 2019 · on Fourth of July

   81

   “Just found out that every Fourth of July, the British celebrate ‘We Dodged a Bullet Day.’”

   Reframes the whole holiday from the loser's side in one invented holiday name.

   VICE — 10 Fourth of July Jokes From Some of Comedy's Biggest Names ↗All Fourth of July jokes →

3. 3

   SM

   video clip (per VICE) · on Fourth of July

   75

   “Do you really still have to celebrate your emancipation from us? I mean, that’s like your girlfriend breaking up with you and then celebrating with fireworks—every year, for three hundred years.”

   A wounded-ex analogy that makes the Brit the petty one; slightly long but the 'every year' tag lands.

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4. 4

   NM

   tweet, 2018 · on Fourth of July

   70

   “On this 4th of July it is time to love your enemies and see how many friends it costs you.”

   Sincere-sounding sermon that curdles into social math.

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5. 5

   

   video clip (per VICE) · on Fourth of July

   66

   Gaffigan says we mostly use holidays as an excuse to eat more.

   “‘I normally don’t have a burger, a brat, and a steak, but it is Fourth of July. And I need the energy if I’m gonna start blowin’ crap up. That’s what the Founding Fathers would want.’”

   Gaffigan's gluttony voice is specific, but the turn is gentle.

   VICE — 10 Fourth of July Jokes From Some of Comedy's Biggest Names ↗All Fourth of July jokes →

6. 6

   BM

   TV (quoted by USA Today, 2017) · on Fourth of July

   64

   “Happy Fourth of July, everybody. Is it too late to have England take us back?”

   Clean reversal of the holiday, though the political-weariness angle is familiar.

   VICE — 10 Fourth of July Jokes From Some of Comedy's Biggest Names ↗All Fourth of July jokes →