The funniest divorce jokes, ranked.

5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   Tamborine, 2018 · on Divorce

   86

   Rock explains that whoever earns more pays both sides' legal fees.

   “So, I had to pay for a lawyer to divorce me. That’s like hiring a hit man to kill you.”

   A legal fact reframed as a darkly perfect analogy.

   Scraps from the Loft — Chris Rock: Tamborine (transcript) ↗All Divorce jokes →

2. 2

   

   Oh My God, 2013 · on Divorce

   82

   “Divorce is forever. It really actually is. Marriage is for how long you can hack it, But divorce just gets stronger like a piece of oak.”

   Inverts the vow: divorce is the real lifelong commitment.

   Scraps from the Loft — Louis C.K.: Oh My God (transcript) ↗All Divorce jokes →

3. 3

   

   stand-up (quoted in The Telegraph) · on Divorce

   80

   “Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”

   Fake etymology with a vivid, painful image.

   Wikiquote — Divorce (citing The Telegraph, 12 Aug 2014) ↗All Divorce jokes →

4. 4

   RP

   Edinburgh Fringe show, 2022 · on Divorce

   77

   “I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2022, #7Two-word punchline packing a pun and a grudge.

   Time Out — The top ten jokes at the Edinburgh Fringe (2022) ↗All Divorce jokes →

5. 5

   SM

   Edinburgh Fringe show, 2015 · on Divorce

   72

   “Clowns divorce. Custardy battle.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2015, #9Maximum economy; a four-word cartoon.

   Time Out Edinburgh — Phone joke scoops funniest of the Fringe (2015) ↗All Divorce jokes →