The funniest marriage jokes, ranked.

6 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   Baby Cobra, 2016 · on Marriage

   86

   “I chose to marry him on the promise of early retirement, and when I said, ‘I do,’ what I really meant was, ‘Oh, I’m done.’”

   Flips 'I do' into 'I'm done' with brazen honesty.

   Scraps from the Loft — Ali Wong: Baby Cobra (transcript) ↗All Marriage jokes →

2. 2

   

   Edinburgh Fringe show, 2016 · on Marriage

   82

   “I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2016, #3The clause after the dash quietly rewrites the sentence.

   Chortle — And the joke of the 2016 Fringe is… ↗All Marriage jokes →

3. 3

   RL

   Edinburgh Fringe show, 2014 · on Marriage

   78

   “I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2014, #5Self-undermining irony in two sentences.

   WhatsOnStage — Tim Vine wins Funniest Joke of the Fringe award (2014) ↗All Marriage jokes →

4. 4

   AC

   Edinburgh Fringe show, 2015 · on Marriage

   76

   “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2015, #8Romantic cliche made literal through a goalkeeping image.

   Time Out Edinburgh — Phone joke scoops funniest of the Fringe (2015) ↗All Marriage jokes →

5. 5

   AM

   Edinburgh Fringe show, 2013 · on Marriage

   74

   “I'm in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2013, top 10Re-parses a political phrase into a marital complaint.

   Chortle — Is this really the funniest joke of the Fringe? (2013) ↗All Marriage jokes →

6. 6

   JC

   Edinburgh Fringe show, 2014 · on Marriage

   64

   “I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2014, joint #8Familiar henpecked-husband territory, neatly put.

   WhatsOnStage — Tim Vine wins Funniest Joke of the Fringe award (2014) ↗All Marriage jokes →