The funniest death jokes, ranked.
6 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1WA88
Woody Allen Without Feathers, "Death (A Play)", 1975 · on Death
“It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
An impossible wish phrased like a social excuse; a classic.
- 2
86Jerry Seinfeld I'm Telling You for the Last Time, 1998 · on Death
A study said speaking in front of a crowd is the #1 fear of the average person.
“#2 was death. Death is #2? This means, to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Follows a survey statistic to its absurd logical conclusion.
- 3
82Rodney Dangerfield stand-up act (quoted in his AP obituary) · on Death
“I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!'”
No respect extends even to the dead neighbours.
Spokesman-Review/AP: Comic Rodney Dangerfield dies at 82 ↗All Death jokes →
- 4
80Steven Wright When the Leaves Blow Away, 2006 · on Death
“I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote," so right before I die I could say "unquote."”
Life as a quotation is an elegant, original conceit.
- 5DS74
DeAnne Smith Edinburgh Fringe 2011, 2011 · on Death
“My friend died doing what he loved... Heroin.”
Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2011, #10Weaponises a eulogy cliché with one word.
- 6
72Joan Rivers quoted in ABC7 tribute list · on Death
“At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.”
A specific, showbiz-savvy dig wrapped in a funeral wish.
ABC7: Joan Rivers' 25 best quotes and one-liners ↗All Death jokes →