The funniest going bald jokes, ranked.

4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   JJ

   High n' Dry, 2023 · on Going bald

   76

   Jefferies takes a hair-loss tablet that kills his sex drive.

   “So I have a couple of options in life. Either I have hair and I can't fuck anyone, or I'm bald and no one wants to fuck me.”

   A perfectly symmetrical lose-lose.

   Scraps from the Loft: Jim Jefferies, High n' Dry transcript ↗All Going bald jokes →

2. 2

   KC

   Happy Hour, 2026 · on Going bald

   72

   “He came up after a show and goes, "Ah, shouldn't have cut your hair." And he was bald! I was so confused. I was like, "Are you mad because I got to fire my hair and yours just quit?"”

   Fired-versus-quit is a crisp workplace frame for hair loss.

   Scraps from the Loft: Kelsey Cook, Happy Hour transcript ↗All Going bald jokes →

3. 3

   

   Humanity, 2018 · on Going bald

   72

   “I'm losing my hair. It's getting really thin. I know it looks great from there. Cheers, but… No, honestly, in a lift, with that light directly overhead, and the mirror, it looks like an x-ray, right?”

   The lift-mirror x-ray is an exact, recognisable image.

   Scraps from the Loft: Ricky Gervais, Humanity transcript ↗All Going bald jokes →

4. 4

   LD

   quoted in TODAY · on Going bald

   66

   “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man — there's your diamond in the rough.”

   Bald pride with a wink; more aphorism than punchline.

   TODAY: 50 funny quotes on aging ↗All Going bald jokes →