The funniest doctors jokes, ranked.

3 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   stand-up act (quoted in the Lima News), 1974 · on Doctors

   84

   “Guy goes to a doctor who only gives him six months to live. The guy can't pay his bill so the doctor gives him another six months.”

   The prognosis turns out to be a billing department; a classic reversal.

   Barry Popik: 'I couldn't pay my doctor, so he gave me another six months to live' ↗All Doctors jokes →

2. 2

   WA

   Deconstructing Harry (film), 1997 · on Doctors

   82

   “The most beautiful words in the English language aren't "I love you" but "it's benign."”

   Upends a romantic cliché with the hypochondriac's true love.

   Wikiquote: Woody Allen ↗All Doctors jokes →

3. 3

   

   Noble Ape, 2018 · on Doctors

   70

   “unless we're sick, we listen to absolutely nothing doctors tell us. They're like, "You should lose weight." "Never gonna happen. What else you got?" "You should exercise." "Does eating French fries count?" "Get out of my office."”

   Relatable patient defiance escalating to the doctor giving up.

   Scraps from the Loft: Jim Gaffigan, Noble Ape transcript ↗All Doctors jokes →