The funniest weight jokes, ranked.

5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   MG

   Edinburgh Fringe 2014, 2014 · on Weight

   76

   “I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2014, #2Tight pun where the joke itself becomes too fat to fit.

   Chortle: Dave's top 10 Fringe jokes 2014 ↗All Weight jokes →

2. 2

   MB

   Edinburgh Fringe 2013, 2013 · on Weight

   74

   “You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2013, top 10An absurd, cartoonish image in a dozen words.

   Chortle: Dave's top 10 Fringe jokes 2013 ↗All Weight jokes →

3. 3

   AG

   Edinburgh Fringe 2026, 2026 · on Weight

   72

   “It's hard to get Ozempic, there are a lot of hoops to go through and I didn't fit through any of them”

   (Some Guy Called) Dave Joke of the Fringe 2026, #5Turns bureaucratic idiom literal, and topical.

   Chortle: (Some Guy Called) Dave Joke of the Fringe 2026 top 10 ↗All Weight jokes →

4. 4

   

   Humanity, 2018 · on Weight

   66

   Gervais lost weight by exercising daily, but now can't burn off what he eats and drinks.

   “So, I'm going to get steadily fatter and fatter again, and this time I am going to die.”

   The cheerfully blunt 'this time I am going to die' is the surprise.

   Scraps from the Loft: Ricky Gervais, Humanity transcript ↗All Weight jokes →

5. 5

   

   Showman, 2020 · on Weight

   64

   Opening his Netflix special, McIntyre admits he'd hoped to be in better shape.

   “this suit was cut bespokely for my body about a year ago, and it's not a body I have anymore, unfortunately.”

   Charming self-deprecation; more amiable than surprising.

   Scraps from the Loft: Michael McIntyre, Showman transcript ↗All Weight jokes →