The funniest therapy jokes, ranked.

5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   stand-up act (quoted in the Los Angeles Times), 1983 · on Therapy

   86

   “I went to see my psychiatrist and he told me I was crazy. I told him I wanted a second opinion. He said, 'OK, you're ugly, too.'”

   Takes 'second opinion' literally; a canonical one-liner.

   Barry Popik: 'I'm crazy? I want a second opinion!' / 'You're ugly, too.' ↗All Therapy jokes →

2. 2

   WA

   Standup Comic (album), 1999 · on Therapy

   84

   “I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.”

   Despair undone by billing policy; a deadpan logic twist.

   Wikiquote: Woody Allen ↗All Therapy jokes →

3. 3

   RS

   Edinburgh Fringe 2019, 2019 · on Therapy

   80

   “Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2019, #2The polite sign-off is literally the drug's effect.

   Chortle: Dave's top 10 Fringe jokes 2019 ↗All Therapy jokes →

4. 4

   ID

   Edinburgh Fringe 2021, 2021 · on Therapy

   78

   “My therapist told me, 'A problem shared, is a hundred quid'.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2021, #2Completes a proverb with an invoice; ultra-economical.

   Chortle: Dave's top 10 Fringe jokes 2021 ↗All Therapy jokes →

5. 5

   SD

   Edinburgh Fringe 2026, 2026 · on Therapy

   76

   “My therapist says I'm very judgemental, but what does he know? He lives in a house boat”

   (Some Guy Called) Dave Joke of the Fringe 2026, #3The punchline proves the diagnosis while dismissing it.

   Chortle: (Some Guy Called) Dave Joke of the Fringe 2026 top 10 ↗All Therapy jokes →