The funniest getting old jokes, ranked.
6 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1BH82
Bob Hope quoted in TODAY · on Getting old
“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
Turns the birthday cake into an invoice; perfectly economical.
- 2PD80
Phyllis Diller quoted in TODAY · on Getting old
“I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.”
The double meaning of 'goes out' does all the work in eleven words.
- 3SM78
Stuart Mitchell Edinburgh Fringe 2016, 2016 · on Getting old
“Why is it old people say 'there's no place like home', yet when you put them in one …”
Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2016, #2The unfinished sentence lets the audience land the dark punchline themselves.
Chortle: Dave's top 15 Fringe jokes 2016 ↗All Getting old jokes →
- 4
74Jerry Seinfeld quoted in TODAY · on Getting old
“You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'”
The single candle as a taunt is a sly inversion of the familiar candles gag.
- 5
73Joan Rivers quoted in ABC7 tribute list · on Getting old
“I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.”
Grotesque, specific image delivered as a modest daily goal.
ABC7: Joan Rivers' 25 best quotes and one-liners ↗All Getting old jokes →
- 6DF62
Daniel Foxx Edinburgh Fringe 2023, 2023 · on Getting old
“My grandma describes herself as being in her 'twilight years' which I love because they're great films.”
Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2023, #10A pleasant misdirect, but the vampire-film pivot is gentle rather than surprising.
Chortle: Dave's top 10 Fringe jokes 2023 ↗All Getting old jokes →