The funniest first dates jokes, ranked.

4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   I'm Telling You for the Last Time (HBO special), 1998 · on First dates

   74

   “What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.”

   The job-interview frame is instantly true; the naked twist reframes the whole ritual.

   Wikiquote – Jerry Seinfeld (citing I'm Telling You for the Last Time, 1998) ↗All First dates jokes →

2. 2

   AC

   Edinburgh Fringe 2015, 2015 · on First dates

   72

   “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2015 – 8th placeTakes the cliché 'keeper' literally with one concrete, silly image.

   The Guardian – the 10 funniest jokes of the Edinburgh fringe 2015 ↗All First dates jokes →

3. 3

   

   It's Not Easy Bein' Me (memoir, p. 12), 2004 · on First dates

   70

   “I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.”

   Classic Rodney economy: a teacher rule turns into a leer in nine words.

   Wikiquote – Rodney Dangerfield (citing It's Not Easy Bein' Me, 2004, p. 12) ↗All First dates jokes →

4. 4

   

   Freezing Hot (Netflix special), 2015 · on First dates

   66

   She explains the tiny clutch women carry on a first date.

   “Because when women pack for a first date, we don't pack for the date we're going to have, we pack for the date we want to have.”

   A neat reversal that nails first-date optimism; the payoff is in the yacht-and-Porsche list that follows.

   Iliza Shlesinger: Freezing Hot – transcript (Scraps from the Loft) ↗All First dates jokes →