The funniest long-term relationships jokes, ranked.
5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1
79Mark Watson Edinburgh Fringe 2016, 2016 · on Long-term relationships
“I've been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.”
Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2016 – 3rd placeThe arithmetic reveal does all the work in a dozen words.
The Guardian – Dave's top 15 funniest jokes of the 2016 fringe ↗All Long-term relationships jokes →
- 2RR75
Rita Rudner Best of the Improv, Vol. 3, 2003 · on Long-term relationships
“I love being married, I do. It's so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Greeting-card sentiment with one word swapped for the truth.
Wikiquote – Rita Rudner (citing Best of the Improv, Vol. 3, 2003) ↗All Long-term relationships jokes →
- 3LL74
Laura Lexx Edinburgh Fringe 2018, 2018 · on Long-term relationships
“I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time.”
Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2018 – 10th placeA domestic simile that exposes couples' public performance.
WhatsOnStage – top 10 jokes at Edinburgh Fringe 2018 ↗All Long-term relationships jokes →
- 4
72Amy Schumer Emergency Contact (Netflix special), 2023 · on Long-term relationships
“I think marriage is finding someone who can stand you. Is that too romantic?”
Rock-bottom definition then mock-worry that it's too romantic.
Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact – transcript (Scraps from the Loft) ↗All Long-term relationships jokes →
- 5TP70
Tom Papa What a Day! (Netflix special), 2022 · on Long-term relationships
“You don't marry hot. You marry strong. You don't want a supermodel. You want someone who can pick up the other end of the couch.”
Practical, specific image deflates romantic ideals.
Tom Papa: What a Day! – transcript (Scraps from the Loft) ↗All Long-term relationships jokes →