The funniest proposals jokes, ranked.

4 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   Baby Cobra (Netflix special), 2016 · on Proposals

   84

   “We got engaged on a Saturday. I bought my wedding dress the following Tuesday… because I had tried it on in 2012. I was ready. I was ripe. I was rotten. I need to be made into banana bread.”

   The ripe-rotten-banana-bread escalation is a perfect, specific build.

   Ali Wong: Baby Cobra – transcript (Scraps from the Loft) ↗All Proposals jokes →

2. 2

   

   The Comeback Kid (Netflix special), 2015 · on Proposals

   74

   Before getting engaged he heard 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'

   “You're not allowed to milk a cow that you don't own. That's not even a situation.”

   Takes the old marriage proverb literally and finds it legally absurd.

   John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid – transcript (Scraps from the Loft) ↗All Proposals jokes →

3. 3

   

   Look at You (Netflix special), 2022 · on Proposals

   70

   “I got engaged a few years ago 'cause I was like, “I gotta get married before I'm dead” which is a super hot way to propose to somebody.”

   Morbid motive presented as a romantic line; the 'super hot' understatement sells it.

   Taylor Tomlinson: Look at You – transcript (Scraps from the Loft) ↗All Proposals jokes →

4. 4

   

   Stand-Up Confidential (HBO), 1987 · on Proposals

   66

   “Being engaged is-- you know what it's like to me? It's like being on the first part of the rollercoaster, where you're just goin' up: (makes ticking noises) "Boy, this looks pretty scary!"”

   Apt analogy; relies more on the act-out than a sharp turn.

   Wikiquote – Jerry Seinfeld (citing Stand-Up Confidential, 1987) ↗All Proposals jokes →