The funniest guns jokes, ranked.

5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   

   Bigger & Blacker, 1999 · on Guns

   91

   “You don't need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control. I think all bullets should cost $5000. $5000 for a bullet. You know why? 'Cause if a bullet costs $5000, there'd be no more innocent bystanders.”

   Moves the debate from guns to price, and the innocent-bystander payoff is cold and logical.

   Mediaite: Chris Rock's 1999 gun-control proposal ↗All Guns jokes →

2. 2

   JJ

   Bare, 2014 · on Guns

   84

   Fans yell at him that the Second Amendment can't be changed.

   “And I'm like, "Yes, you can. It's called an 'amendment.'" If you can't change something that's called an "amendment", see, many of you need a thesaurus more than you need a constitution.”

   Wins the argument with the dictionary instead of statistics.

   Scraps from the Loft: Jim Jefferies, Bare transcript ↗All Guns jokes →

3. 3

   SM

   I Got This, 2020 · on Guns

   80

   Gun advocates cite the founding fathers; Morril notes the founders also wore powdered wigs.

   “That's my stance on guns. You could have a gun, but I think you should have to wear the wig.”

   Takes the founding-fathers argument literally, powdered wigs included.

   Scraps from the Loft: Sam Morril, I Got This transcript ↗All Guns jokes →

4. 4

   

   A Night at the Met, 1986 · on Guns

   74

   “The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!”

   Classic inversion that gives you an image of armed grizzlies.

   Wikiquote: Robin Williams ↗All Guns jokes →

5. 5

   

   Radio broadcast, 1935 · on Guns

   72

   Rogers bets his radio audience they have never seen a Pilgrim portrait without a gun.

   “never seen a picture of one of these old Pilgrims praying when they didn't have a gun right by the side of them. That was to see that he got what he was praying for.”

   Turns the pious Pilgrim portrait into insurance on answered prayers.

   Wikiquote: Will Rogers ↗All Guns jokes →