The funniest religion jokes, ranked.
6 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1WA88
Woody Allen "My Philosophy", in Getting Even (book), 1971 · on Religion
“Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.”
Puts cosmic despair and household hassle on the same level.
- 2
82Bill Hicks Relentless, 1992 · on Religion
“Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks … you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross?”
Questions a familiar symbol from Jesus's own point of view.
- 3JF76
Jeff Foxworthy Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered, 2004 · on Religion
Sitting in bumper-to-bumper Atlanta traffic.
“the car in front of me has got a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you love Jesus". I toot the horn a couple times, and the guy flipped me off.”
Shows the gap between bumper-sticker faith and Atlanta traffic.
- 4
74Ricky Gervais Inside the Actors Studio, 2009 · on Religion
“If there is a god, why did he make me an atheist? That was his first mistake. Well, the talking snake was his first mistake.”
A self-correcting tag swaps him out for the snake as God's real blunder.
- 5
70Eddie Izzard Stripped, 2009 · on Religion
“If you're very religious, then it's not 4,500 million years old, it's 6,000 years old. One of these is not correct.”
Deadpan understatement about an enormous gap.
- 6
68George Carlin Brain Droppings (book), 1997 · on Religion
“When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic- I'm an acrostic, the whole thing puzzles me.”
A wordplay label for confusion; neat more than hilarious.