The funniest school jokes, ranked.
5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).
- 1
88John Mulaney Kid Gorgeous, 2018 · on School
On the annual Stranger Danger assembly.
“You are gathered together as a school and you are told never to talk to an adult that you don't know, and you are told this by an adult that you don't know.”
Spots the built-in contradiction of every Stranger Danger assembly.
- 2
82Steven Wright When the Leaves Blow Away, 2006 · on School
“In school they told me "Practice makes perfect." And then they told me "Nobody's perfect," so then I stopped practicing.”
Two school slogans combined into an airtight excuse.
- 3
76Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion, 2007 · on School
“I failed kindergarten because I couldn't spell my last name.”
Self-deprecation that only works because of his famously long surname.
- 4
72Lewis Black Luther Burbank Performing Arts Center Blues, 2005 · on School
“The Pledge of Allegiance, ultimately, is coffee for elementary school students. "...And to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. FUCK, I'm at SCHOOL! Can we say it again? I need a second cup."”
The Pledge as a caffeine jolt, acted out with a kid's sudden horror.
- 5
70Rodney Dangerfield It's Not Easy Bein' Me (book), 2004 · on School
“I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.”
Classroom rule turned into a bedroom wink.