The funniest restaurants jokes, ranked.

5 comedians, one topic. Quoted from the source, funniest first by our laugh score: surprise of the turn (40), economy (30) and specificity (30).

1. 1

   MH

   Mitch All Together (album), 2003 · on Restaurants

   80

   “I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause the customer is always right.”

   Applies a service cliché to exams with impeccable wrong logic.

   Wikiquote – Mitch Hedberg (citing Mitch All Together, 2003) ↗All Restaurants jokes →

2. 2

   MN

   Edinburgh Fringe 2015, 2015 · on Restaurants

   79

   “Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2015 – 6th placeRecasts a miracle as a stingy small-plates menu.

   The Guardian – the 10 funniest jokes of the Edinburgh fringe 2015 ↗All Restaurants jokes →

3. 3

   MS

   Edinburgh Fringe 2017, 2017 · on Restaurants

   70

   “Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2017 – 6th placeMisdirect on 'combine' with deadpan brevity.

   The Independent – Edinburgh Fringe 2017 funniest jokes revealed ↗All Restaurants jokes →

4. 4

   LS

   Edinburgh Fringe 2012, 2012 · on Restaurants

   68

   “I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad.”

   Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2012 – 9th placeNeat idiom-pun with a real restaurant gripe underneath.

   The Guardian – Edinburgh fringe's funniest jokes revealed (2012) ↗All Restaurants jokes →

5. 5

   AK

   Edinburgh Fringe 2024, 2024 · on Restaurants

   62

   “Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn't great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful.”

   Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2024 – 3rd placeSolid double pun; telegraphed once 'horse' appears.

   BBC News – Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2024 ↗All Restaurants jokes →